Somewhere along the way, “I’m sorry” stopped meaning actual remorse and turned into a nervous tic, like checking your phone when you walk into a room alone. People over apologizing for being five minutes late, for asking a follow-up question, or for having basic human needs makes me unusually upset these days lol. I don’t know why. I can basically expect someone to say “sorry” for taking a deep breath in my presence.
Let me be clear… this blog post is me venting. So, keep reading at your own risk.
And while I get it, because, yes, I’ve done it too (literally yesterday at Chipotle when I had to go backwards in the line to get to fajitas), but still… it’s deeply frustrating when people apologize to me for no reason.
Not because I want them to grovel for real wrongdoings (though, let’s be honest, that would be refreshing these days), but because an unnecessary apology triggers an emotional response, like I’m supposed to feel wronged. It assumes I’ve been hurt before I’ve even had the chance to process my own feelings. And that is annoying as hell.
So why do people do it? And more importantly, how do we stop this weird cycle of unearned guilt? Let’s talk about it.
The Hidden Problem with Over Apologizing
At face value, saying “sorry” might seem harmless, just a way to be polite or smooth over awkwardness. But unnecessary apologies change the dynamic of a conversation in ways people don’t even realize:
1. It Creates a False Power Imbalance
When someone apologizes to me for something completely neutral—like texting me at a normal hour or existing in my general orbit—it makes me feel like they think I have some kind of authority over them. Like I should be upset. It puts me in a weird position where I either have to reassure them *eye roll* or ignore it (which feels cold).
2. It Assumes I’m Fragile (And That’s Low-Key Insulting)
By apologizing before I’ve even had the chance to react, the assumption is that I must be inconvenienced or upset. It doesn’t leave room for me to form my own response. And honestly? I don’t need anyone pre-managing my emotions for me.
3. It’s a Guilt-Booster for Everyone Involved
Saying “sorry” when it’s not needed doesn’t just make you seem guilty—it forces the other person into a weird guilt loop, too. Now, instead of just continuing the conversation, I feel obligated to say, “No, it’s okay!” which shifts the focus from the original topic to managing someone else’s unnecessary guilt. Exhausting.
How to Stop Being Lazy and Depressed (Regain Focus) – The Nerd Bae
Why Do People Apologize When They Don’t Need To?
Some of it is social conditioning, some of it is habit, and some of it is just fear of taking up space.
- Women, in particular, are trained to soften everything we say so we don’t seem aggressive. Instead of “I need this by Friday,” we say, “Sorry to bother you, but is there any way you could have this by Friday?” It’s a verbal shrink-wrap, making our presence feel less intrusive.
- People-pleasers use ‘sorry’ as a defense mechanism. If they apologize first, they lower the risk of rejection or confrontation.
- Some people think it’s polite, when in reality, it just makes things awkward.
But let’s be clear: There are appropriate times for an apology. If you’ve actually hurt someone? Yes. If you’ve dropped the ball on something important? Of course. But apologizing for living your life? Absolutely not.
How to Respond When Someone Drops an Unnecessary “I’m Sorry”
I recently watched A Simple Favor, and Blake Lively delivered a line that had me screaming, THANK YOU!! 🙌
In the scene, Anna Kendrick’s character, Stephanie, is habitually over apologizing for everyinggggg, saying:
Stephanie: “I’m really sorry.”
To which Blake Lively’s character, Emily, shuts it down immediately with:
Emily: “If you apologize again, I’m going to have to slap the sorry out of you.”
Honestly? A moment of silence for this scene. Because SAME. If you keep apologizing for things that don’t require an apology, you’re just throwing guilt around where it doesn’t belong. And for the person on the receiving end? It’s just weird. Watch it here @ 1 minute and 10 seconds > Slap the sorry about of you
Alright, now let’s get into the fun part—what do you do when someone apologizes for no reason? (FYI we’re not slapping anyone)
You could just ignore it, but if you want to shift the tone of the conversation without feeding into the “oh no, you’re fine!!” guilt loop, try this:
1. Redirect It
Instead of reassuring them, shift the focus back to the conversation:
- Them: “Sorry for bothering you!”
- You: “What makes you think you’re bothering me, what’s up?”
It acknowledges their words without reinforcing the idea that an apology was necessary.
2. Challenge It Playfully
If you know the person well, a little humor can help them break the habit:
- Them: “Sorry for being late!”
- You: “Are you sorry, or are you just living your life like the rest of us?”
A well-placed joke can snap people out of autopilot.
3. Call It Out Directly (If You’re Feeling Bold)
Sometimes, you just have to say it straight:
- Them: “Sorry I had to reschedule.”
- You: “Stop apologizing! Life happens.”
This response just keeps it moving.
4. Show Them a Better Alternative
If you want to help someone break the cycle, model a different way of speaking:
- Instead of “Sorry for the late reply” → Just reply normally
- Instead of “Sorry for venting” → “I appreciate you listening.”
How to Build Meaningful Connections in a World Obsessed with Situationships – The Nerd Bae
Final Thoughts on Over Apologizing:
Apologizing when it’s necessary is a sign of emotional intelligence. Apologizing when it’s not necessary? That’s just social baggage we don’t need to carry.
At the end of the day, you are not a burden, an inconvenience, or a problem to be managed. You don’t need to apologize for existing, taking up space, having boundaries, or living your life. And when people around you fall into the “I’m sorry” trap, the best thing you can do is gently remind them:
You didn’t do anything wrong. Now, what were you saying?
